PROJECT SECRET FRIENDSHIP RENEWAL Package

Though I made the holiday peace offering dinosaur a few weeks back, I haven't had a chance to create the full "package" and plan how I'd deliver the package to the person in question for the following reasons:


1. I have been really busy with work and school
2. I didn't want to send it via post because the handmade items (such as googly eyes) might fall off if they're handled a lot
3. She does not have an easily accessible mailbox
4. I'm pretty sure she is still very bitter about everything (I still don't fully understand some of the reasons for why she is upset...) and my lack of understanding is fueling my insecurity about sending her a peace offering.


I decided to opt NOT to write a message like "I made this holiday dinosaur for you. Can we be friends?" with an attached check "yes" or "no" box because I think it's a bit too direct.  Normally, I am very direct, but knowing that she is the type of person to hold grudges and be very upset about things for long periods of time, I thought it best to sort of say things indirectly.

For those of you who might have trouble with small text, I'll transcribe the message.  It says:


"Dear ________,


This is Steggy, the holiday dinosaur.  He is really happy that it is Christmas and he looks very festive in his red feathers.  He wants to thank you for drawing him and bringing him to life.  He also wants to wish you a very merry Christmas.  I hope he will prove to be a very loyal and fun friend for you!"


I'm hoping she'll find it humorous and less "serious," though I am very serious and eager about moving on and letting bygones be bygones!


Anyway, I just spent a couple hours fashioning a letter and envelope.  I must say that I am proud of my work and I hope she takes this as evidence that I do think about her often and that I do very much want to let the past be the past.  I am not angry anymore and I hope that she has let go of her anger as well... so here it is!  Keep your fingers crossed that she'll at least email or text me that she got it!!!

Insecure Moment or Moment of Clairvoyance?

PROJECT SECRET FRIENDSHIP RENEWAL: Unveiled!

I fell out with one of my oldest and closest friends a little more than a year ago, and to be quite honest, the experience crushed me. 

We always got along amazingly well until the friendship took a toll for the worst, quite unexpectedly.  It seemed conclusive that our long-lasting and otherwise easy-going friendship was officially at its end.  It was a hurtful experience for us both, and even with a mediator trying to get us to overlook our differences, we just couldn’t see eye to eye.

Recently, our mutual best friend (also our mediator) got married, and we got in contact again.  Judging from our conversations, I think that it might be possible to … MIGHT… to rekindle the friendship.  I am just really, really scared of hurting her again or getting hurt and of her rejecting my genuine attempt to befriend her. 

So because our words failed us the past, and because we are mutually not very appreciative of cheesiness (ok, I do but only when it comes to my boyfriend), I think I’ll take a gentle, non-threatening approach to attempt to befriend her.

I call this gentle, non-threatening approach

PROJECT SECRET FRIENDSHIP RENEWAL.

OK. It is not secret anymore.  But it will be secret to her! 

This project will have several stages, and I will require much courage to follow through with it, seeing that I am really scared of feeling rejected by her and feeling that she doesn’t care.

The first stage will be to send her a holiday craft in the mail.  It will be fashioned in the likelihood of an illustration she drew with me at our friend’s bridal shower.  Yes, she also draws dinosaurs.  At grown-up events.  Hers was a stegosaurus with feathers for plates.  I hope she will like it and not throw it in the trash :(

Should I write something like this attached to the dino craft I made?

I guess we’ll see where all this goes.  I think the pain is still there for us both, but I am ready to at least try again.  I don’t know what or when or even if there will be a phase 2 of PROJECT SECRET FRIENDSHIP RENEWAL (what if I get hurt againnnn), but I know I have to be strong and just TRY.  I honestly want to do things right and I want her to know that I am willing to let the past go.

Um. Yeah.  That was kind of… personal.  Guess all I can do is stay positive and keep trying!!!

Or should I just write this?  I don't know!!!

Existential Dilemma

Yes. I know I am misusing the term "Existential" and the philosophy that goes behind it. I am currently ill and I don't care. So there!

Wyclef's Part Memorized!

Last night I had dreams.  Strange ones.  All in the image of my drawings from yesterday.

They looked something like this:

I also woke up to the realization that somehow, overnight, or perhaps because of my experimental illustration memorization technique, I had MEMORIZED WYCLEF'S RAP! GREAT SUCCESS!


Now, I have the immense challenge of figuring out a way to teach my students this technique -- without coming off as a complete weirdo.

Leaving Work Late

It takes me an incredible amount of energy to start working.  Once I get that energy, however, it is takes an even more incredible amount of energy to STOP WORKING. 


You may have experienced this before.  

Your morning starts off pretty pathetically.  You may have arrived to work late, and much to your displeasure, important persons notice.  The coffee machine at work may be broken.  You might just be a little distracted and pass the time chatting on the internet.  You might hate your job and spend hours thinking about how you’ll survive the next minute.  

 

You tell yourself not to worry because it’s only the morning.  You have more than half of the workday to shape up and be productive.

But by the time you wake up from your procrastination-reverie, it’s already late afternoon. You realize only now that you have some sort of important deadline to meet.

It is at this point that the panic sets in, a panic that induces a very serious and powerful combination of motivation and productivity.

And so you set out to work with the determination of Mahatma Gandhi. 

Time goes by, and by some miracle, you have somehow garnered the strength and discipline to ignore the gnawing emptiness in your stomach. 

At this point, you have become the Mahatma.  

Yes.  You are hunger striking. Against laziness and procrastination.

You work some more.  Your cell phone rings from some concerned friend or family member, but you ignore it.  You must persevere! There is work to be done and you are brimming with energy to doggedly complete your task.  

And then it sinks in.  The boundless energy and productivity that was coursing through your veins disappears without a trace.  The most compound form of lethargy settles into your body. You feel weak. You feel tired. You feel incredibly old and drained of vitality. Your stomach feels like it will implode or spontaneously combust.You wonder how you’ll carry yourself out of the office, let alone travel back to your home.  And you don’t even want to think about what obstacles you’ll have to endure to procure your much-needed dinner.

Against all odds, you somehow manage to make it.  You have somehow gotten home, eaten, and you are now in bed.  As you lie in bed, you vow to never work so late again.  That is, until the next morning, when you forget about this and do it all over again.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent too many evenings like this. 
I’m a very visual person.  And contrary to what I’ve said in this post, I am a very proactive person.  That said, I’ve come up with an action plan to stop myself from entering this vicious circle of laziness-induced productivity that leaves me working late into the evening. 

And here it is.  The next time you find yourself in a manic productivity state and it’s late, it may be beneficial to engrave this into your memory.  I hope it helps.

The End!